So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
