So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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