he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
