dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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