Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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