I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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