DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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