He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
