i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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