i was born a porn star she said
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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