I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
