So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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