She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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