a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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