I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
