i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
