she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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