Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All I want is dick and wine.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
