I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
