I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
