I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We need to get me chipped asap
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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