i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
