Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
