Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Everyone says I win the strip club
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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