So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
