some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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