Tell her she can't have a vagina
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
sarcasm needs its own font
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
