peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And then he peed in my hair
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