It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
