her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
