Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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