My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
