tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
