Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
