I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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