If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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