what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
