Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
