you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
