can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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