We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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