I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
