Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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