doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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