You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
