Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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