i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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