Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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