Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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