THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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