I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
