I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
