Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
