he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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