You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
