I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
