dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
